Connections Between Women Increase Self-esteem
In the real world, making and keeping friends requires an effort well worth the energy expended.
Friendships between women are complex, layered, and memorable in that they provide both practical and emotional support. However, as life gets complicated with work, spouses and significant others, children, extended family, activities, and housework, it’s easy to take friendships for granted. But you shouldn’t ignore your girlfriends for several reasons.
Psychological Cost of Isolation
In his book about American communities, Bowling Alone (Simon & Schuster, 2001), Robert D. Putman stated that “visits with friends are now on the social capital endangered species list.” The thesis crux is that as Americans become more disconnected from each other, their health, happiness, and that of the greater community, erodes. In addition, studies have confirmed that social environments impact people’s health. Most recently, 2007, published in Genome Biology, linked loneliness to the inability to fight illness at the gene level.
If loneliness is a self-perpetuating cycle, then friends are the antidote. Sometimes just getting a “how are you” phone call on a bad day from a friend is enough to turn the entire mood of the day around.
Life Transitions
No one understands like another woman in a similar situation, whether she is a new mother, a woman going through a divorce, or a single gal. Yet, simultaneously, old friends can see through women’s facades and remind them of who they used to be. When having a good or imperfect day, talking to a friend may be the best thing a woman can do to mitigate or prolong that feeling. But it takes work.
Friendships between women are complex and multi-nuanced, and without effort, the many demands of the daily grind can erode friendships. In addition, women can drift apart because of life transitions, whether job relocations, relationship changes (i.e., new boyfriend, marriage, or widowhood), children, or career changes. As Liz Pryor examined in What Did I Do Wrong?: Friendships terminate for a variety of reasons, including neglect (Free Press, 2006), and the closer the charity, the more likely its end will come with avoidance.
Staying Friends
Whether invigorating old friendships or starting new ones, a lack of reliable close pals is not always a permanent condition.
While it may seem difficult to fit friends in, what actions women take with friends is a forerunner of how strong friendship can be in the future. For example, make the invitation for coffee, offer to walk the dog with her, or initiate a conversation with the woman standing alone on the playground.
No Excuses Strategies
A community of women to count on does not just happen independently. Like any other relationship, a friendship requires contact and effort, but fortunately, that effort more than pays off. Maintaining a company can be as simple as a weekly phone call, daily email, or occasional card: keeping in touch and involved in her life.
When women are busy, it’s easy to put off a girl’s night, so instead, insert friends into regular activities. For example, do the laundry or grocery shopping together, hit the gym or hiking trail, and push the kids on side-by-side swings. Essentially, stop making excuses for why there is no time to get together and re-invigorate a friendship.
Keep a good friend, but she will need some attention to strengthen the relationship.
